What happened after my time out…
After 3 days back at the old workplace, which is supposedly so safe, I realized that this security is difficult and expensive to pay, namely with freedom. I have been reduced to only working on tasks and duties and from obeying instructions that have been forced into one without regard. I felt like an object that you move from A to B, a thing, but not like a person, a person you talk to and take into account his feelings and abilities. If you are only judged by quantity instead of quality, and the customer falls by the wayside, this is no longer the right workplace for me.
This became very clear and so, after a mental breakdown and the additional burden of separation, I decided to find a fair solution, to leave the old company and to go my own way.
Winter is just around the corner and I am already suffering from wanderlust. – now I do not have to ask anyone, submit applications or revise myself in order to save additional time, which I can then reduce with vacation and flexitime. Because this is like 2 months 40 degrees Celsius and 2 months 0 degrees Celsius, are on average pleasant 20 degrees, but still freeze once 2 months and 2 months of extreme sweating. You don’t really have any of it.
This summer, despite or perhaps precisely because of my (“life”) crisis, I had many violent and hard moments, but also many moving beautiful moments full of bliss, aha effects and bubbling ideas and experiences.
Somehow everything I did at a ca. 20 years ago, he had already experienced a similar life crisis. At that time the Jehovah’s Witnesses threw me out, because I could not cope with your loveless dogmas and should have lived a nunnery, just because I am not hetero, but just Manu, who stands on the more beautiful sex women.
When I met my wife at the time, what love was on the 1st. Blick was (yes there really is) I knew what I really want and what definitely no more. A life without (free) love is not a life. Those who did not understand this and did not hold to me betrayed their attitude at the latest when I was excluded or. married. Since the chaff has separated from the wheat and people who love me and accept how I am have simply kept to me and many have simply gone, terminated my friendship because you have not endured my life, my truth.
That’s how it feels a little bit this time, just that it’s not the Jehovah’s Witnesses, but the life i used to be at my old bank. The separation was hard, like a divorce, took time. This period of separation has not survived every friendship. People who didn’t really know me, or perhaps are in a similar situation of fears, norms and commitments, have confused the crisis with my true identity and have withdrawn from me. But this was and is also an important experience for me on my life journey. Some only climb for a short time on your “life train”, for one or two stations. You share precious experiences and conversations and then you go apart again, even though you have the same goal. Just with different paths. And some of them are there from the beginning and accompany you the whole journey, albeit in a different “compartment” and so you meet again and again on the way and exchange ideas and just drive together. These are the friends or family that you have had for ages, who know you well and who sometimes admit a life crisis. Then you just retreat to another compartment.
The beauty is that despite the intense time, I was always deeply happy and have a goal in mind. – The way of freedom, happiness and love.
Inspired by the “Spirit of Nature Festival” the yogis, shamans and free spirits as well as the “New Healing Festival”, which was like a magic world and finally the deep, immensely intense Shaman ceremonial weekend with ayahuasca experience I am wild Determined to direct my way to where I learn more about the yogic way, healing and energy work and about nature with its miraculous medicinal plants.
And soon I’m back on the road, a bit like a nomad, and let myself be driven by the flow of life. I still have too much in my “life backpack”, too much superfluous clothes, shoes, things, but also people who are no longer part of my “journey”. Was neat at the weed ingenuation and can now “facilitate” a new era begin. But as I said before, it is also my wanderlust, my desire to travel and last but not least my “winter blues” that sends me back on the journey. So I’m going on a new adventure tomorrow. You can find out where to go in my next blog entry.